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Excitement Mounts As Posford Puts Four Kick Drums In Sequence

DORSET, 18 May 2005: The ripples of excitement spread like excitement ripples. The rumours filtered through newsgroups, web forums, emails and text messages. Could it be true?

The news, confirmed last night by Twisted Records, has massive repercussions for the global trance network. The bar looks like being raised again among the endless tripe-mongers bashing out variations of a sound accidentally developed by Atomic Pulse in 2002.

Yes kids, it’s true: Simon Posford is recording again.

The “beginnings” of a new track have rarely caused so much excitement. Yet the discovery that Posford has opened up a sequencer, stuck four kicks at regular intervals, and then looped them has sent the industry into panic.

We managed to find one person, a mate of Posford’s, who has heard the new track. “It’s pretty good,” he said. “Rather than going doof-doof-doof-doof, it goes doof-doof-doof-doof. It’s definitely promising.”

Labels scrambled to license the new track. Spun offered US$2,000 while Solstice offered US$2,500. Twisted didn’t answer the phone.  

“There is no definite timeframe as to when this will be released,” said an expert (i.e. a bloke with dreads and a trustfund.)  “Once he’s got the compression sorted, it will definitely need mastering and this is the stage we know he enjoys most. He may spend as much time again on mastering the track, which would point to a release date of around September/October 2011.”