Ableton to rename LIVE software “Cheating” following complaints, lawsuits

Posted in Comedy by - December 21, 2006

Posford and other oldskool darlings breathe queensbury-rules-sigh of relief as new-school boys get Hazed in odd-yet-erotic trance school ritual

REUTERS: The world of foundations was shaken to its cod-cock-live psytrance performance this week with the shock announcement that Ableton (NASDAQ:CHEATCUNT) is to rename its award-winning LIVE software following protests and lawsuits from party-goers. Or should that be party-GOA’s eh? eh? EH?????? LAUGH YOU CUNTS okay.

The software claims to enable musicians, normally of the trance sub-variety, to sync loops "on the fly" and create "new soundscapes from existing and new soundbanks" in order to supplant a "new and exciting dimension in dance music."

Recent legal threats from party "people" along with jaded promoters said to be "fed up to the back teeth with you cheating, over-charging, Neurobiotic cuntwits" have led Ableton inc (NASDAQ:GETFUCKEDCHEATS) to reconsider their position.



"Obviously when we initiated the software it was to provide musicians such as Sasha with a new outlet to play their music," said Chester B. Ponceworthy, of Ableton Inc (NASDAQ:AREYOULISTENINGYOUBASTARDS). "We made the software to enable genuine Dance Music Pioneers (TM) to create new and exciting patterns within their music. And Sasha and Jon Digweed achieved this."



"Then fucktard French Fuckwits like Silicon Sound and Wrecked Machines – who are probably not, but might as sodding well be French — went and tossed it up squarely for everyone else concerned. Cunts."

Ponceworthy is understood to have pushed for the software to have been named "Lively," in honour of the more honest "artists" who claim to make music sound more interesting and less-for-fuckwit-kids-on-pills "on the fly". He was however overruled by management, who instsisted on the new name, Ableton I AM BASICALLY A RICH SON OF AN EMPIRE-WEILDING TOFF WHO HAS NO IDEA ABOUT LIVE MUSIC AND I JUST HAVE TWO SEPERATE CHANNELS LIKE GOING FROM THE LAPTOP SORT OF THING THEN GOING INTO  A MIXER WHICH I HOPE TO MIGHTY  SHIVA ON HIGH IS A PIONEER DJM500 OR 600 COS THAT HAS EFFECTS THAT I KNOW HOW TO USE AND CAN THEREFORE LOOK PROFESSIONAL.

Trance Simon Cowell Simon Posford is thought to keep his live set unchanged, sticking with his tried and tested formula of (and this is quoting his rider) "1x copy of Twisted on cd, 1x copy of The Lone Deranger on cd."

This post was written by psyreviews